Warning: This topic may be a bit too racy for my conservative readers, but should you bear with me, you might just experience a necessary awakening.
A few weeks ago, I had the pleasure of seeing In The Next Room (or the vibrator play) on Broadway with my girlfriend Alessandra Hirsch. The best introduction as to the content of this play is to simply re-tell a true story told by one of the fictional characters:
When the English art critic John Ruskin married Miss Effie Gray in 1849, they spent their honeymoon in the Scottish Highlands. Both were young, healthy, and attractive people, but never, on their honeymoon or in the six subsequent years of their marriage, did they succeed in having sex. After great bitterness, their marriage was annulled by an ecclesiastical court on the grounds of non-consummation. In a deposition made to his lawyer, Ruskin testified in his own defense that on their wedding night, when he saw his wife naked, he was horrified. He had seen many representations of naked women in classical sculpture, and none of them had pubic hair. He thought this was a deformity of his wife’s part and was thoroughly disgusted by her body.
The Source of Happiness by Phyllis Rose
Sure, we can look back at this story and snobbishly lift our chins, proudly gawking at how far we have progressed as a society of human beings. The Victorian way of life believed that absolute innocence was the purest, most respectable way of living life. To them, ignorance was truly bliss. Their unawareness led to sexless marriages, thus unhappy husbands and wives, and countless divorces on grounds such as the aforementioned. Could anything positive possibly stem from this torturous life style? OH WAIT I KNOW: VIBRATORS! (And Sarah Ruhl’s amazing play, of course!)
Did you know that vibrators were the first in-home electrical appliance? Even before hairdryers or electric griddles, women were buzzin’ their way to ecstasy. Doctors would use in-office vibrators on women suffering hysteria. They began treating women using a nice “genital massage since the fifth century B.C., and, quite frankly, they were tired of it – too time-consuming, fatiguing, and difficult to learn” (Sex & Serendipity by Rachel Maines). Before Freud, hysteria was an unknown illness caused by “the revolt of the uterus against neglect”, thus the vigorous massage to release the anxiety. “The idea was to produce a crisis of the disease, like the breaking of a fever, which, in the case of hysteria, was called the hysterical paroxysm. This condition was characterized by heavy breathing, contractions, and discharge of moisture” (Maines).
In other words, an orgasm.
Yes, we have come far in our quest for sexual liberation, but I believe our discoveries have only begun. If I should mention the word sex around any adult in New Castle, PA, most (with the exception of a few) will blush and quickly change the subject. In my experiences, I have learned that many people are afraid of its power and stricken with some form of religious guilt. Whatever the case may be, there are still women (and men) feeling shameful for desiring something completely natural and totally human.
Take me, for instance. I lost my virginity in a Chevy S10 in some alley behind a deserted house, or shed, I don’t remember. What I do remember is having sex because that person wanted me to, not necessarily because it was something I desired. I felt pressured, and immensely guilty. Because I was so tense, it was impossible for me to indulge even the slightest bit. Plus, with all the PG-13/R movies I had seen with sex scenes (namely the Reese Witherspoon and Ryan Phillippe scene in Cruel Intentions), I had this false idea of what it was supposed to be like, how I was to perform, how I was to sound, etc, etc. I felt as if I was watching myself have sex, where my body was just rolling with the punches. So fornication was never a result of passion that organically spawned from me, but served merely as an act of generous guilt. Not a guilty pleasure even. Just simple, straight-forward shame.
Not to mention the LACK of orgasms I was experiencing during my earlier sexual encounters. Oh, God. And somehow, I convinced myself that this was okay. Ladies, it’s not okay. Yes, we are more difficult to decipher, but our ability to climax is necessary to our health. It’s a positive thing. And let’s face it: it’s awesome!
I am writing today to express my love of the female body and all of its complications, its quirks, and its secrets. Time warp alert: GIRL POWER! Abstinence is a nice thing if you choose it for yourself, but if someone else chooses it for you against your will, then you are only fighting against your own nature. Your body is gorgeous, your heart is beautiful, and you are allowed to express the amazing-ness that is you in any way you desire. In the play, the two main women played with the vibrator on each other (clothes on, of course) – it was a fun game, and they bonded over the different experiences each one had during her own orgasm. They listened to their bodies demands, and followed suit, no questions asked. This is not barbaric, slutty behavior: this is instictual, powerful, and beautiful.
Funny little fact: most women experience their first orgasm by themselves.
Another funny little fact: women who masturbate are more likely to be open and comfortable in a first-time sexual encounter than women who are clueless as to how their own bodies function.
Just like DNA, every woman is unique. You should name your flower, and know every detail down to the tip of the stem.
Happy Hump-Day! Let’s make every day hump day!
Stay Blessed,
Bry
